Have some fun with these golfing terms

You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last couple of months putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book. I am very proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to assist.

The book is on golfing terms... I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of experience

Highlights include

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker (also see Chapter 8 )

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Greenkeeper the Finger

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Whisky Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee

Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rio Ferdinand - lipped out

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Cuban - needs one more revolution

An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim

An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sandA Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect

A Kate Moss - bit thin

A Gerry Adams - playing a provisional

A Rodney King - over-clubbed

An O. J. Simpson - got away with it

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

An elephant's arse - high and ****ty

A condom - safe but didn't feel real good

A circus tent - a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target

A sister-in-law - up there but I know I shouldn't be

And our own favourite

A Sally Gunnell - bloody awful looking, but a good runner

You can read more golfing terms here

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